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Summary
This transcript is from a "Care Lab" podcast episode featuring Dr. Sherry Yarbrough, author of OMG, I'm the Grown Up: A Conversation on Giving Care to a Loved One and Yourself. Dr. Yarbrough shares her journey of becoming a caregiver for her mother with Alzheimer’s and breast cancer. She discusses her approach to caregiving, emphasizing self-care, emotional resilience, and the importance of establishing a supportive team.
Key Takeaway
- Balance Between Self-Care and Caregiving: Dr. Yarbrough reframes caregiving as "giving care" to emphasize the importance of meeting her own needs while caring for her mother.
- Building Emotional Resilience: Caregiving requires navigating intense emotions, and caregivers should practice forgiveness, patience, and acceptance to manage these feelings.
- Forming a Support Team: Dr. Yarbrough highlights the need for a caregiving team to help balance responsibilities and reduce caregiver burden.
- Proactive Coping Strategies: Establishing a framework, like her "praxis for care," provides caregivers with tools for decision-making, emotional processing, and setting boundaries.
- Navigating Healthcare System Challenges: Differences in support for physical versus cognitive health conditions can lead to caregiver isolation, underscoring the importance of seeking external support and resources.
Transcript
Emilia Bourland
Hi, welcome to Care Lab.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Welcome to CareLab, it's CareLab Day. I'm so glad to be here with you guys.
Emilia Bourland
Yes, I'm very excited. I'm really excited to have our guest here with us today. We have Dr. Sherry Yarbrough, who's a pretty big deal and also has the best name of a book I think that's ever been written. So let me tell you a little bit about her. Dr. Sherry L. Yarbrough is the owner of Praxis Senior Caregiving Solutions and also the author of, wait for it, OMG, I'm the Grown Up, a Conversation on Caregiving to a Loved One and Yourself.
Like I said, best book name ever. You should buy it just based on that alone. However, there's definitely some more nuggets in there and we're going to be talking about all that today because she has 14 years of experience as the primary caregiver to her mother who is living with Alzheimer's dementia, which was the impetus for her book. Now, prior to becoming a family caregiver, Dr. Yarbrough was an organizational change consultant for education and not-for-profit organizations. And she was able to utilize that experience
as the genesis for her care management strategy, the praxis for care. I'm gonna let you tell, I'm gonna let her tell you about her motto, which is a amazing motto. We're gonna talk about that in a little bit. Last thing, Dr. Yarbrough earned her PhD in education policy studies from the University of Illinois and a master of education from the University of Illinois at Chicago. Welcome Dr. Yarbrough. Thank you so much for being here today.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Well, thank you for having me. I want to make one little correction on the book title. It's called A Conversation on Giving Care to a Loved One and Yourself.
Emilia Bourland
I'm so sorry.
Emilia Bourland
my apologies. I misspoke. I misspoke. I'm so sorry.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
And I make that distinction because of what my motto is. My motto is, caregiving is what you do for your loved one. Giving care is what you do for both of you.
And on this journey, it took me a minute to figure it out. But once I did, it made the journey much more manageable that I figured out that I'm really an integral part of this care relationship. So my needs have to be included as well. In the beginning, I was caregiving. I was extending care to my mom. I was trying to meet her care needs. And I never stopped.
for a moment to think about, okay, well, wait a minute. What do I need in order to continue caring for her?
Emilia Bourland
Hmm.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
And I do think that it's something that many caregivers struggle to find. And that's why I inverted the words from caregiving to giving care, because you have to have the support you need. You have to have the equal kind of care that you're giving in order to continue giving care.
Emilia Bourland
Mm.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Exactly and to the listeners if you've been listening for a little while, I hope you hear a theme in that all of the people who've come on the show to talk about giving care and caregiving have echoed those same sentiments and that's just like so important and also I'm guessing you can correct me if I'm wrong, Dr. Yarbrough. It took you a minute to figure out for yourself and it wasn't the thing that you did first, right? But it's the thing you want other people to remember to do.
Like it takes that extra like, it takes that extra intention, I should say.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Absolutely. You see, when we have to remember that a loved one's care needs don't arrive like scared, scheduled airline flights. They just sometimes just sort of show up, whether it's gradual over time because of age or there's an injury or an illness. And suddenly these needs are at your door. And so the first thing that kind of runs through your mind is, my goodness.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
how am I going to do this? And so when you're thinking, how am I going to do this? Your mind starts running a checklist. Okay, mom needs a wheelchair. She needs a Hoyer lift. She needs doctor's appointments. And we just run through the checklist of all the things that this person now needs. And then as we get into that second part of that, once we get all of the equipment in the person's home or in the facility,
Now you're starting to think about, okay, how am going to manage this? How am I? And remember, hear that key word, I. How am I going to manage this? And so once again, you go into that checklist of, okay, making sure that everything gets done. And in the book, I talk about that creates a scenario of being the one. And I'm gonna date myself here.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
that circus act where you saw the person spinning the plates and they're running from pole to pole making sure all the plates get spun stay spun yeah well that's you when you're the one you're the plate spinner
Dr. Brandy Archie
Mm.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Yep. Yep.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
but in that role of being the one, nothing else in your life has come off your plate.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
And so you get so focused on that. And there are a lot of emotions that come with that because when a loved one's care needs arrive, it fundamentally changes the relationship you had. So you go from being two independent people living independently to a relationship where one person is dependent, where a formerly independent person is dependent upon someone else.
And that's extremely difficult for both persons. And so when you're being the one, you're trying to navigate all of that. And I tell people all the time, the hardest part of being a family caregiver is doing everything that you have to do while you're feeling everything that you're feeling.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Mm-hmm.
Emilia Bourland
Yeah, can you talk a little bit more about that? That's exactly what I was thinking as you were talking about spinning those plates. And it's one of the things that you highlight in your education and services for caregivers is this idea that this dynamic between, yes, you have to keep all the plates spinning, but also part of what makes it so difficult is dealing with all of your emotions while you're having to do that. Can you speak a little bit more on that particular topic?
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Sure, You've had a relationship with someone and now because of whatever the circumstance, that relationship is fundamentally different. You're feel that.
I'm sure we're all familiar with words that are used to describe caregiver stress and we'll put that in quotation marks. Overwhelmed, isolated, lonely, afraid, angry, all of those words. We hear those words all the time. And as a family caregiver, guess what? They all happen at one time.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
because the relationship changed and now you're challenged with trying to build a new one. For me, my circumstance was building a new relationship in the presence of a disease that was stealing my mom's ability to make cognitive choices.
Dr. Brandy Archie
you
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
It takes your breath away. But we have to remember that in this, there are still pieces of this person that remain. And so how do you want to connect to what's still there? In the very beginning, I knew absolutely nothing about Alzheimer's dementia. So in Chicago, we have two NIH dementia centers.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Yeah.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
So I went to all of the forums and workshops and read everything I could about this disease. And everything in it really focused on, and the language has changed a little bit, but at that time, everything was focused on what my mom would lose. the thing with Alzheimer's dementia, you get these big giant paragraphs of
symptoms and things that the person will no longer be able to do. And then at the bottom you get a little fine print that goes, yeah, but everybody doesn't get everything. And it may not manifest as profoundly for your loved one as someone else. So it's spun one way and now you're flipped over spinning. And after about a year of that, I was just really overwhelmed. And I was so focused on what she would lose that I was missing what was still there.
Dr. Brandy Archie
you
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
And just one day I just said, you know what? I can't do it like this anymore. And I had to step back and say, okay, what do I have? No, she can't get her shoes on the correct feet anymore, but we can still go outside and hang out on the lakefront once we get her shoes on.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Yeah.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
And so it was a way of building a new relationship based on what we could still do.
Dr. Brandy Archie
It's such a mindset shift that's so important. those are the that's the thing you're saying in both of your instances. The giving of care and being a caregiver, you're changing the words, you can change your mindset. And then in dealing with your own emotions, you're also changing your mindset too, right? About looking at the things that we have versus what the things we're losing. Because the things that we're losing are so detrimental, right? It's like, how can you keep progressing?
or keep doing this thing as you see things continuously washing away, right? And it just tears you up because this is not a random person. This is your mom. This is somebody you love. This is somebody you grew up with, you have all these experiences with. And to not have those in the same way is definitely a grieving point and a loss, but you don't feel like you have the space-time energy to allow that grief process to happen that might more easily happen if somebody passed away.
Right? Because like that's a fine as a finality that you're going to deal with. And this is like little things every day.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
It's different every day. And there's something that we as family caregivers forget to give ourselves, and that is patience of our own humanity. We will extend patience to this loved one who's on any given day being him or her authentic self.
You know, we give patience to that, but we don't give ourselves the same patience. And if you're going to walk this journey, you have to be patient with yourself because guess what? You're only one human being who can only do as much as one human being can do. And I have to say that often, and I say that very slowly, you can only do what one person can do because we forget that.
You know, our plates are full and we're, again, we're back to that spinning circus act. We're running around, we're trying to keep all of the plates spinning and we're trying to make sure nothing hits the floor and it's overwhelming. And that's why giving care is so important because you have to have a team. You can't do it by yourself.
Emilia Bourland
think also something that really resonates me with what you're saying is, yes, there's only so much that we can do, but also we can't control everything. We have this kind of illusion that we carry around with us. I think sometimes, particularly when we're playing a caregiving role for another person, that we are supposed to be able to not just do everything, but control everything.
and make sure that every outcome is the best outcome and guarantee that every day is a great day and make every doctor's appointment and always get that prescription filled. like the fact is that most things are just, mean, I don't know what like 95 % of life is actually totally out of our control. And the only thing that we can really do is try to manage our reaction to that as best as we can.
and control the one thing that we can, which is us, and try to, again, kind of getting back to that point of try to shift your viewpoint in a way that you can move through that in as healthy a way as possible. that kind of really resonates with me as you're speaking, talking about like trying to spin all the plates, trying to do all the things, trying to manage your emotions. And the fact is like, we just actually don't have control.
or over all that stuff. And was there a point for you as a caregiver? And I do kind of want to get back to sort of like your particular journey and how it started and how your background as an expert even prior to becoming your mother's primary caregiver, like how that influenced things. you know, how...
would you kind of go back a little bit in time and sort of start at the beginning and how this all came together for you?
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Sure. All the way back, I had known since I was 24 years old that of the three siblings, I would probably be the one to care for our parents as they aged.
Emilia Bourland
Mm.
Dr. Brandy Archie
How did you know that?
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Just laying in bed one day and my parents had come to visit and I was seeing them beginning to age. So I I kind of sized up where there three of us and I sized up where we all were. And my brother was married. had a young and growing family. And even though he was, I was not living in Chicago at the time, it didn't seem fair to me that he would have to do all of
My sister and I were both living in Atlanta and she had made it very clear that she had no desire to come back to Chicago. She'd started her life there. She had her career going there. She was not uprooting. Well, I hadn't quite figured out what I was going to do with myself. So I said, well, okay, I'm not opposed to that. So I guess it'll be me.
Now at 24 years old, was really proud of myself for having made that decision. And I thought that in my 24 year old mind, I was being proactive and forward thinking, and I would keep my eye out for these changes. And then I would see them coming. And once I did, those care needs would kind of get regal fanfare and I would step into my role.
Well, that's what I thought when I was 24. Well, 25 years later, when I was 49, and I walked into what I thought was going to be a routine doctor's appointment, I walked out the primary caregiver to a disease I'd never heard about.
So no, there was no fanfare, there was no warning, there was nothing.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Okay. So exactly here we go. Now let's spend this one more time. At the time, my mom and I didn't get along very well. And it was complicated because we didn't get along not because of anything we had done directly to each other. We didn't get along because of spillover from the relationship my mother had with my grandmother.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Here we go.
Emilia Bourland
Mmm.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
And so...
My mom thought it was appropriate to just keep silent about my grandmother's treatment.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
I on the other hand did not think being silent was a good thing and I saw no, my mom thought she was being respectful to my grandmother by just swallowing this. I didn't see anything respectable or respectful in that. And there were times when all of that stuff had to go somewhere and I was generally that person where it had to go.
and we have two different temperaments. And so I would push back as hard as I could. And so my mom felt like I didn't respect her. So that created a lot of tension between us for a long time. And in that 25 year gap between my epiphany and her kidney derivals, we learned that we got along best when she had her lair and I had mine. But now this disease was throwing us back into one space.
So having to think about how I was going to do this was very, very, very, difficult. But I thought, okay, let's do the rational thing. If I keep all of this in a, keep all the emotions in a nice neat, tidy little box, and I just focus on what needs to be done, we can do this. And no, that didn't work very well because
your emotions are your emotions and they are going to show up. And so we lived in our space for about 18 months until two really scary words pushed into our lives, breast cancer.
So yeah, here we go again. About a secondary disease, I have to now navigate this disease that's changing her cognitive abilities in the context of a disease that needs strong cognitive abilities.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
So I became the decision maker at that point. And it became my role to translate all of this medical information into language that she could understand so that she was still partnering in this. And so everything I read about dementia, Alzheimer's dementia said that it was kind of a slow disease.
and it can last for years. Well, breast cancer is something that can take you out fairly quickly. And so once again, I had to make a choice. I had to decide whether I wanted to continue living whatever time we had left the way we had been, or did I want to do something different? And that's when I began, I didn't realize it at the moment, but I was beginning to include myself.
Dr. Brandy Archie
I think it's interesting, first of all, thank you for sharing. it's interesting that you said you started caring for yourself in that moment when you were thinking about how to, how you wanted to engage with your mom now that there's this new diagnosis that is potentially very short. I don't know that I would think that that would be the first thing I would think about. So of doing in order to repair or like mend a relationship or improve that.
And so, looking backwards, do you have any insight as to what was the trigger point that made you say, you could have just decided to eat everything, right? And just keep it all to yourself. I'm gonna just be fine with everything. I don't know how long I'm have my mother and I'm gonna just act like I feel good about all of this so we can have a decent relationship. But you didn't do that. You instead said you were thinking about how you could best care for yourself so you can be a better caregiver for her.
What made you make that decision?
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
I I just decided I didn't want to do it that way anymore. I didn't like what I had and I'd never liked that contentious relationship that we had. Never liked it but I never thought that there was anything I could do about it.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
But now in this space where I was thinking, I don't have a lot of, I might not have a lot of time and I don't want whatever time we have like that.
And so I think that was just sort of that crystallizing moment of, you you've never done anything about it, well, here it is. You've never liked it, change it.
Emilia Bourland
So almost like you came to a point where like, like in a, as a, as a bad analogy, like you're speeding towards the edge of the cliff and you see the cliff and you can decide that I'm just going to keep going and go off that cliff. Or you can kind of take a pause and say, no, I'm going to slow down and I'm going to go another way here. And almost like getting that breast cancer diagnosis on top of the Alzheimer's diagnosis was like, that's when you saw the cliff, it sounds like, and you were able to say, whoa, no, no, no.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Mm-hmm.
Emilia Bourland
I have a choice and I'm not gonna go off there.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Exactly, and I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back, looking back on this, I realized something and it has become a lifestyle. You may not always get a choice in what life hands you, but you do have a choice in how you live what life handed you. And that was sort of that crystallizing moment. I can't do anything about this Alzheimer's disease.
I can't do anything about breast cancer, but I can make a choice in how we're going to live this.
Dr. Brandy Archie
So you use that analogy of the spinning plates and sharing your story, feel like gives so much insight for people to apply it to their own lives. And so I guess I wanna know is you already had who knows how many spinning plates before you took on the world of caregiving. And so that means you added more spinning plates. So there's not an infinite number of hands or places you can run around and keep those plates spinning. So what kind of strategies did you use in order to...
let down some those plates maybe without breaking them or putting some on pause or like what are the things that you did in order to make it work?
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Well, it's interesting because looking back, I think that taking the journey through breast, the detour through breast cancer was something that I needed because I didn't know I needed a team. When we were on the breast cancer detour, we had a team and I'm watching the medical people make decisions as a team. Everybody didn't do everything.
And it was a subtle but profound change and shift and me being part of a team at that point, even though it was a medical care team, I was still part of that. And then I had to start ending the thought to myself, well, okay, where else do I need support? And just slowly starting to think, okay,
I need breaks from time to time. And so I have to pick someone who can be on my team to be able to work with her so that I can have a break.
Emilia Bourland
Isn't that so interesting, like that difference in how health care responded to those two separate diagnoses? Like in one instance, you have, like your mom gets a diagnosis of breast cancer, a team of people rallies around her, to everyone plays their role to like fight this thing. And in another instance, you walk into a doctor's office, presumably just you and your mom, you get
pretty significant diagnosis and then you walk out also just you and your mom.
That's insane.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
And that was, I think is getting a little bit better for people who are getting dementia diagnoses now. I think it's a little bit better. I think that people are now being referred to neurologists and social workers and things like that, depending off where you are and it varies.
and I'm going to put this caveat on this, it depends on where you are. If you're in an urban area like I am, you may have other options, but dementia doesn't just happen in cities. It happens in rural areas and very small towns where the nearest hospital facility that cares for dementia patients is a hundred miles away.
So I put that little caveat on there that it's getting a little bit better and I do think that...
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
there is that teaming a little bit. It's starting to move in that direction.
But again, it just depends on where you are. And I remember a few years, several years ago now, I was on a plane and I was on my plane with my mom and there was a woman talking about her father had been diagnosed with dementia. And I turned around and I said, excuse me for interfering in your conversation, but I just want to share something. And I had just, and I mean literally like two days before.
I'd seen a PBS documentary about Alzheimer's and different dementia support services. And they were talking about how it varied by state by state. And I said, do you mind if I ask you where your dad is? And she said, New Hampshire. And I kind of went, boy, they were at the bottom of the list. I said, they're at the bottom of the list. I said, but just be diligent.
I know it's going to take a lot, but just don't let go. Just keep pushing because in that situation the squeaky wheel is going to get the grease and you're going to have to squeak and there are some state services that you can get but not very many, but also pushing them to ask you, okay, if you don't have it, where in this state can I find it?
Dr. Brandy Archie
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Yes. I'm so glad you said that because that's the thing I wanted to, like, that's the thing that's important. Even if your healthcare provider, in the example of you walking into the doctor's office and walking out, just still you and your mom and no team formed, that doesn't mean you can't build a team and that there aren't services available. Because there are. There's occupational therapists that specialize in dementia and care for both you as a caregiver and the person who needs it.
Emilia Bourland
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Even recently, Medicare has now allowed it to be billable to have caregiver training for the caregiver without necessarily the patient present. And so there's more services cropping up about that. And so even if it's challenging and then puts a little bit more work on you to keep asking people for help and resources, it's just so much better in the long run because you need that team of support. Just like you said.
And it is out there and accessible, especially now in a virtual world. Even if you live in a space that doesn't have a whole lot of physical presence around Alzheimer's or dementia, or actually any diagnosis, because they all need teamwork if you're going to be a caregiver, there's a lot of virtual services that are available too. It's just about asking and looking for it.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Absolutely, and 14 years ago we weren't in a virtual world and now in that virtual world it's shrunk, that isolation a little bit. So it's about being honest with yourself and saying, know, hey, I can't do this. And sometimes that's hard because we start having all these emotions of, am I good enough? Am I inadequate? All of those things start rolling around.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Yep.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
inside and it's like no you're just one person.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Mm-hmm. You're not meant to do this alone. It's not that you can't do it alone, because can't makes it feel like you failed. That you shouldn't do this alone. And so if I shouldn't do this alone for the betterment of me and my loved one, who can I bring into the mix to help us?
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Exactly. You just want...
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Absolutely. Absolutely. And sometimes it's so hard to remember. It's hard to remember our own humanity in this space. And if I don't encourage people to do anything else, it's remember you are a person, just one, just one. And so you have to, when you...
Dr. Brandy Archie
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
change your mindset about from being the one and understand that as just one person, I can only do what one person can do now. You've got to, it changes your mind, changes your mindset. And you start putting people around you and you start, and you shift that initial question of how am I going to do this to what do I need in order to do this?
Emilia Bourland
I think that's kind of a good segue into talking about the praxis of care that you talk about. you talk a little bit about that?
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Sure. The practice for care came from just understanding that I'm an integral part of this relationship. My logo has a teeter totter in it because that's what you are. That's what's happening as a family caregiver. You're moving up and down between your needs and the needs of the person that you're caring for whom you're caring.
We've heard that phrase, work-life balance, where if you put enough things on one side, it'll equal out the other side. Well, when you're a family caregiver, you're in constant motion. You're either physically doing something or you're preparing mentally to physically do something. So your world's constantly in motion, like a teeter totter.
And every teeter totter has to have a fulcrum to make it move up and down. And I call it the fulcrum of the fulcrum for giving care. There three dynamics. Forgiveness, to get your past out of the way. Patience, to help you cope with what you're experiencing. And acceptance, to help you make good decisions going forward.
I think that when we look at life as a continuum, this new relationship has to be built. What you had is gone. So you have to move your past out of the way so that you can focus on what you're experiencing right here, right now. And what you do right here, right now is going to be your jumping off point for what comes later. So you want to make...
make the best decisions you can in that moment. Some will come out the way you expected, some won't. We learn from them and we keep going. And just like every teeter-totter, it has to have a solid foundation. We remember those teeter-totters in the kids' playground that was always wobbly and you're always afraid it's gonna fall over. Well, I call it the foundation of fundamental values, which are honor, which is placing value on what you do.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Trust to know that what you're experiencing is true. Being honest, which is a really tough one, means coping with what it is, not trying to make it something that it isn't. And respect, which is that golden rule, doing unto yourself as you would have others do unto you. So you put your fulcrum for giving care on that nice solid foundation.
but you've got to have an anchor and the anchor I use is self-efficacy. I use efficacy, self-efficacy instead of self-confidence because self-efficacy is that psychological piece that helps you get up when you've been knocked down.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
We learn from our successes, but we also learn as much, if not more, from our failures. And self-efficacy helps you keep moving. And it gives you that anchor that's like, okay, well, I messed up and I may have made a big mistake here, but I'm gonna get up and keep moving. I'm gonna try better the next time. And that's where things like forgiveness come in. Made a big mistake.
I'm going to forgive myself for that mistake so that if I'm ever in a similar situation, I'll be able to do better going forward. So that's what the practice for CARE is. It's about helping you get all your dynamics and your values connected so that you can walk the journey that you're on as best as you can do it.
Emilia Bourland
feel like you just took us back to grad school.
Dr. Brandy Archie
I think that's like, I was just gonna say like, brain work are so important.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Ha ha ha!
Emilia Bourland
I was like, self-efficacy. Yes.
Dr. Brandy Archie
In OT school, we learn a lot about these different frameworks. And I remember being very irritated by this and being like, this is ridiculous. I need to just see some patients. I don't need these frameworks. And when you don't have any experience, frameworks help you place what you're doing, right? So that you can think through what you might need to do next.
And so that's why I teach you so many different ones, because when you get out into the world, you apply the one that works for you. And then once you start using it you have experience, you have something to hang your past learnings on to think about your future actions. And so this is exactly the same thing. The praxis is a framework because likely the person hasn't experienced being a caregiver for somebody before, and you don't know how to think about doing that. Not the task, but the...
Emilia Bourland
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Brandy Archie
mindsets and the way that you pull things together. And so when you have a framework like practice, it helps you think that through and then make your next steps. so, yeah, it's really, I was thinking the exact same thing. was like, this is grad school all over again.
Emilia Bourland
I was like, I'm here in some moho, I'm here in some occupational adaptation, I'm here in some, no, but I love actually how you set that up and you framed it because the fact is that is why we learn all these models and frameworks is because we don't yet know what we're doing and we have to have something to build on. so giving caregivers a,
Dr. Brandy Archie
Yep.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Mm-hmm.
Emilia Bourland
something that they can be some scaffolding that they can build on and and figure out how to go from here to there is just so important. So I I'm also a nerd. So I just love that stuff.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
And as we forget...
I think so much around caregiving ignores that thing that I talked about at the very beginning. It's how you feel about all of this. How hard it is to do all of these tasks that you have to do while you're feeling everything that you're feeling. Okay, your parent has had a stroke and you've now got to prepare meals or...
the laundry and so forth and even though you don't mind it you are ex- excuse me
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
You're feeling all of that. You don't mind doing it. You want to give to your parent.
you want to give to your parent but it's still hard knowing that this person can't fix her own meals or she can't put her own shoes on. It's very hard to experience that.
Emilia Bourland
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
And so you feel these things. And so you need to have a tool. We don't talk enough about tools to help you cope. We don't talk about that emotional part. This is why forgiveness, patience, and acceptance are so important because we've got to get that passed out of the way. And sometimes people have a very difficult time with accepting that this relationship has changed.
and you want to stay, you want to go back to where it was, but you can't. And that creates a lot of stress. And that's why I said being honest is so important. And then let's spend this one more time, unless you're an only child, you're going to have siblings and your loved one had relationships with other people. And that all comes into this space as well.
Emilia Bourland
Well, I want to thank you so much for coming on today. But before we go, would you please share with us and your listeners, where can they find you? Where can they find your book? Because I'm sure after listening to this conversation, there's going to definitely be people who are like, OK, I've got to check this out.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Sure, you can find me at www.praxisforcare.com. That's my website. In my website, I have my podcasts and my weekly blog. My weekly blog is just my thoughts about how I live different parts of the Praxis for Care on a daily basis. My podcast, it's new, but...
still having longer conversations about that. You can find me on LinkedIn and Instagram and also on Facebook.
Emilia Bourland
Wonderful. And we will make sure to post, there's going to be a link. Okay, great. We will, we're going to make sure to post a link to, to Dr. Yarbrough's website. It'll be down in the show notes. And if we can, if we can get a link to that book on Amazon, we'll be happy to post it there as well. But I think this has been such a wonderful conversation. Thank you so much for being here today.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
and the book is on Amazon.
Emilia Bourland
If you made it to the end of this episode, if you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to like, subscribe, give us a review, leave a comment. We love to hear your comments. If there's something that you want to hear about, question, a topic that you would love us to cover here on CareLab, then we'd be happy to do that. Until then though, we will see you next time right here on CareLab. Bye.
Dr. Brandy Archie
Bye everyone.
Dr. Sheri L. Yarbrough
Bye.
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